Something's wrong with Gaara
by xXTsumetaiXx
Summary: It was a normal day until Gaara got a package. Ever since then Gaara's been acting very strangely. What was in that package? Who gave it to him? What's going on! Now Temari and Kankuro have to find out what has happened to their sibling!
1. Who the heck is spongebob?

Hello everybody,and welcome to the story! I'm currently editing and spell checking this,so it will be easier to read. I change anything,it won't stay how I left it,leaving it with tons of mistakes...so wish me luck,and enjoy the story!

* * *

Kankuro was sitting in the kitchen enjoying some sugary cereal.

__

I'd rather eat Fruit Loops than Temari's cooking anyway...

Gaara came into the kitchen, eyes darker than ever.

"Kankuro, where's Temari ?" Gaara asked.

"Um, I don't know,Gaara." he responded. Gaara's stomach growled so he went over to the pantry to get something to eat.

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Frosted Wheat…no. Raisin bran…no. Oatmeal… no. Jeez ! Does Temari buy anything other than old people fo- Hey fruit loops!

Gaara grabbed the box and poured the cereal in. But none came out. The box was empty.

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KANKURO! HE ATE UP MY FAVORITE CEREAL!

****

Shukaku : Kill Kankuro Gaara! Kill him! Make him DIE!!

Since Kankuro wasn't there Gaara looked for something else to eat.

_Hmm. What's this?_

Gaara pulled out some powdered doughnuts.

_Mmmmm! These are good!_

Gaara thought to himself, devouring then began to grin and skipped away merrily.

**One Hour Later...**

"Kankuro, I think something's wrong with Gaara." a nervous Temari said.

"Well, why do you think that?"

" Gaara…hugged me. Then he helped me with the groceries.''

"Well… maybe he felt nice."

" Then he told me 'I love you Temari!' and 'You're the best big sister ever!'"

"Whoa! Something is wrong! He'd never do that!"

_Well,DUH!_

" So…what are we gonna do?" she asked. Kankuro sat down on the couch to think. He thought, and thought, and thought some more.

__

(elevator music) Hey wait! Maybe we could…no. Gah! I lost it! Think!** THINK!! THINK!!**

"Kankuro, don't think too hard. You're going to hurt youself." Temari said. "...Hm...well, maybe we should follow we could find out what's wrong."

Temari flew off on her fan and Kankuro searched on foot. Well...actually, Kankuro did no such thing. He just flirted, got slapped and retreated into the local weaponry store. Kankuro was admring some puppets in the weaponry store when he noticed Gaara outside.

__

Hmm… Wonder what he's doing…

Gaara was talking with man who was somewhat tall, wearing dark sunglasses and a cape. His brown hair was in a blue bandanna.

"Here's the goods." He said handing Gaara a small paper bag. As the salesman disappeared,Gaara smiled. He peeks into the bag and begins to walk home.

__

Holy halibus! I need to find Temari!

(enter cheesy transition music)

Temari was looking over by the sandbox, where Gaara scared the small children.

"Temari! Temari!"

"Jeez,what is it Kankuro?"

"I saw Gaara with a...shady character...he handed him a paper bag..." Kankuro said trailing off.

"We're all kind of shady characters...we're ninjas."

"Hm...but still...I think suspicious..."

So the two siblings went they went back, they saw Gaara laughing at someone named Spongebob on the TV. Also instead of his usual attire, Gaara was wearing a T-shirt which said 'I'm ready!' and a walking sponge. The other sand siblings stood in shock. Why was Gaara so happy? What was in the bag? And who the heck was Spongebob?

"Gaara…we noticed some… strange behaviors from you. Is anything wrong?" Temari asked. Gaara smiled cheekily and said "Yosh ,no! Of course not! Why do you think that?"

__

Did Gaara just say Yosh? Why is he eating powdered doughnuts?And who is this...Sponge...bob...?

Gaara continued to laugh at the talking sponge as Temari and Kankuro left.

"Something's wrong here. Maybe we should investigate more."Temari said in a serious tone of voice.

"Oh, Temari just leave it. I like the new Gaara. He doesn't try to kill me."

"Ah, maybe you're right. It's better this way."

**Two days later**

Temari and Kankuro were petrified now. Gaara was wearing a green jumpsuit with orange paraded around with his headband around his waist and hugged Kankuro at random.

_Something's wrong with this picture..._

Temari thought. So while Kankuro and Gaara were sharing a Hallmark moment,she snuck into Gaara's room.__

Sand,scrolls,anger manuals,more sand,Mr. fluffles,a picture of us, even more sand…Oh, what's this?

Temari had stumbled across a small bag with traces of white powder.

_Now that I think about it...Gaara had been carrying around that bag lately… In fact, Kankuro had told me about Gaara getting that bag from a stranger!_

She checked to see what was in the doughnuts. There was powdered sugar...

_Wait…this isn't powdered sugar! No! It was…_

(dun dun dun...have to find out next chapter!!)


	2. Why are there noodles in my tea?

* * *

_Horror of unspeakable horror!_

Gaara was on the white stuff,dope,also known as crack!

(Dramatic horror music)

_Why does Gaara have crack on his doughnuts? Something tells me it has to do with that man… maybe I should look into it more..._

Temari continued to rummage through Gaara's stuff. She had found an actual doughnut,his stash of money and was just about to leave when Gaara came in.

_Damn! So close!_

"Yosh! Temari...what are you doing in my room?"

"Umm...getting laundry?" She says holding up his sock.

"Oh. Okay then! Let me help you!" Gaara grinned running around getting all of the dirty clothes.

"There!" He says handing them to then walked down to the laundry room to search through Gaara's clothes.

_Hmm... I wonder whose number this is...Ebisu? Who the heck is that?_

Temari thought to herself. She walks upstairs to get Kankuro and finds him on his bed looking at a magazine.

"Kankuro, I found out what's wrong. Gaara's on crack." Temari says.

"That's nice." Kankuro said,ignoring her.

_Ugh...he's looking at porn again_.

Temari snatched his pornography away."Damn it, Kankuro this is serious!" She said ripping it up.

Kankuro looks sadly at the pieces of ripped up porn. "Ok...I'm listening." He replies,a little mad.

"We need to figure out who this Ebisu guy is. From the look of his phone number he lives in Konohagure."

"Oh shut up Temari! You're making that up! You only want to visit Shikamaru and you know it!"

"I-I do not!" Temari stutters as she blushes. Kankuro snickers quietly. "A-Anyway we need to find this guy before Gaara gets worse."

"I think he already has."

Gaara just came into the room, had a sick,twisted smile that would've made Orochimaru shudder.

"I WANT COOKIES!" Gaara yelled as he ran around,knocking things over. Temari tried her best to stop him, but he was just too fast. After he destroyed everything,he broke through the wall and ran off.

_Maybe we should put him in a mental hospital for the time being_...

**At the mental hospital**

Gaara was playing with his sand while Temari was talking with the receptionist.

"I'm sorry Temari-san but we can't take him. Last time he came here he killed 20 staff members,two visitors and everyone with the flu. We can't risk having him again."

Temari sulked a thought about killing the receptionist and signing him in anyway...but that would just be asking for trouble. She took Gaara's hand and left.

_Hmm. Where could we put him? We tried everywhere else in Suna. Hmmm... Maybe Konoha! Tsunade can take care of him!_ Temari thought.

She went and told Kankuro about her agreed and they both got ready for the trip. When they were both packed up,the decided not to tell Gaara about it. Kankuro came in and told Gaara about his 'vacation.'

_He won't know why we're there anyway._

Gaara responded by transforming into Naruto,grabbing an old ramen packet, from under his bed, putting cheese,bacon and eggs on it and devouring the thing.

_Yeah... He's definitely on crack...Why else would you eat an uncooked ramen packet!?_

The next morning Kankuro and Temari were up and ready to 's...condition had gotten worse,Temari had put Gaara on a leash around his neck.

_We need to hurry before people start attacking us._ Temari said to herself.

The day went on and everything seemed to be fine until the saw an enemy ninja. "Halt! Who goes there!" He said.

"I'm Racoon lad,this is CATMAN! and that's Temari the pineapple head." Gaara said between laughs.

_WTF! Pineapple head!_

"Oh a wise guy,eh. Guess you can't pass."

"We have to pass so move out of the way old man!" Kankuro said angrily.

"If only you had been nicer. Then I would have spared your lives. Looks like I have to kill you." The man says pulling out a kunai.

Temari pulled out her fan when Gaara squealed, " OH! OH! I WANT TO KILL HIM! PICK ME! PICK ME! **PICK ME!**"

"Oh alright, just don't get blood on my never comes out." Temari said.

"Ha! You fight? This will be quick!" The man laughs. Gaara does his desert coffin and captures the man in it. The man shivers with fear. "Bye bye! Have a nice time in hell!" Gaara says blood flying everywhere.

_Whoa. That was brutal even for Gaara_.Temari thinks to herself.

The blood lands like falling rain and Gaara runs through it betting blood in his clothes. "WEEEEE!" He yelled out running through the blood and ruining his clothes.

_Damnit! I pay for those clothes!_

"Gaara... Could you go and change? It would look...weird if you came in covered with blood." Temari asked. Gaara did as he was told and changed into his green jumpsuit.

_That isn't any better... Ah well. _Temari thought to herself.

Temari,Kankuro and Gaara continue their journey to Konoha wth lots of battles,eating,sneaking and leash pulling along the way. Soon they reach Konoha and the Ichiharu Ramen shop. The siblings went inside and got themselves some ramen. It was near closing time so no one was really in there.

"Excuse me sir, why are there noodles in my tea?" Gaara asked politely.

"THAT'S NOT TEA YOU IDIOT! " the chef yelled.

"I think this is the worst beverage I've ever had. It's too salty." Gaara adds.

The chef grumbles about his stupid customers and goes back to what he was doing. After their dinner, they went to a grand hotel to spend the night. They reach the main lobby,when Temari pauses.

_Crap! I left the money at Ichiharu!_

"Is there anyway we could get a free room?" Temari asks sweetly.

"No."

_Now what?_

Kankuro pulled Gaara up to the front desk. "This child can and will destroy this hotel. Give us a room."

"I don't believe yo- HOLY CRA-MMPH!" Gaara had just covered the hotel manager in sand.

"OK! I'LL GIVE YOU A ROOM! _JUST DON'T KILL ME!"_

Temari smirked a little as they went up to their rooms. They had a long day ahead of them, and they needed their rest.


	3. My hentai senses are tingling!

Sorry for the wait on the last chapter. I've just been busy on the road of life... and school.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did I would have exposed Kakashi's face and taken Sasuke from Orochimaru.**

The chapter is rated T for cussing and nonsense.

* * *

Temari woke with a start the next morning. Loud crashes and explosions were coming from Gaara's room, and people were complaining about the noise.

_That doesn't sound very good._

Gaara was watching monster cars on the television with Kankuro struggling to sleep.

"Damnit,Gaara! Turn that shit off!" Kankuro managed to yell over the noise.

"WHAT! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Gaara yelled back.

"**I SAID TURN THAT SHIT OFF**!" Kankuro screamed.

"**WHAT! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" **Gaara responded. The two continued to argue as Temari came in and turned the television off.

**_"SHUT THE HELL UP BOTH OF YOU! PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!" _**Temari yelled. She slammed the door shut to her room mumbling about her stupid brothers.

**A few hours later **

The three siblings were walking through town getting more glances than they did the last time they were there. Suddenly three ANBU ninja came out.

"You three are from Suna right? What are you doing here?" One with a cat mask said.

"We need the assistance of Tsunade." Temari said calmly showing her passport.

"Hn. You may pass." Another said. They swiftly left allowing them to go Tsunade's office.

"I'll talk with Tsunade. You two… go do something." Temari said as she walked off.

**A few minutes later**

"So you're telling me Gaara's on crack?" Tsunade questioned.

"Yeah, and I think some guy named Ebisu gave it to him. His name was on the doughnuts." Temari stated.

Suddenly a man with a blue bandana/headband and sunglasses as well as a boy with goggles on his head ran into the room.

"Honorable grandson! You must go back to class! Honorable grandson!" The man yelled.

"Quit calling me that! My name is Konohamaru!" The child yelled.

"Why are you two in my office! GET OUT! " Tsunade yelled .

"Wait…I've seen you somewhere before… Aren't you Ebisu?" Temari asked.

"Yes, I am." the man said pushing his sunglasses up. Temari rose to her feet. She came closer and closer to Ebisu until she got her hands around his throat.

"Why did you put my brother on drugs! Why!" Temari said choking the Jonin.

"I didn't do anything! I was just delivering something!" Temari released the man's throat . Ebisu gasped for breath.

"...Well now that's done, what do you need for me to do?" Tsunade asked.

"No one in Suna is powerful enough to take of normal Gaara, let alone Gaara on drugs. Will you take care of him until I find out who did this?" Temari asked in her sweetest possible voice.

"Sure. Just bring him back here tomorrow and we'll be ready for him." Tsunade said.

_Yes!_ _Now I can go see Shikamaru! _

Temari skipped, yes skipped, back to the hotel room.

**Meanwhile with Kankuro**

Temari had sent them off to do whatever they wished.

"Ooh! Can we go to the Ramen shop?" Garra asked,hopping up and down.

"Sure, whatever." Kankuro said.

The two boys walked over to the Ramen shop. As soon as they walked in they saw the green beast of Konoha, Rock Lee.

"Gaara....?"

"Lee...?"

"GAARA!"

"LEE!"

"**GAARA!" **

"**LEE!"**

The two boys hug each other and magically a sunset appears in the background.

_That's just messed up,man._

Kankuro thought to himself.

Gai was nearby watching the two hug and thought, _Eww. Do we look that stupid when we do that? _

He then walks up to Lee as says sadly ,"Lee, I thought what we had was special...but, I see that you have moved on. Before I leave just know this: I enjoyed every minute of our relationship. "

"No! Don't leave me! Gai-sensei!" Lee cried. " I haven't seen him in a while and I was just welcoming him back!"

"Hmm. I see…I guess I just overreacted. " Gai mumbled. There is a bit of an awkward silence.

"Group hug!" Gaara yells breaking the tension. The three crash together in a hug of youth and happiness. There is now a sunset, crashing waves and grinning Kankuro with video camera.

_Can anyone say 'blackmail on Gaara' ? _

Kankuro left Gaara in the care of Gai while he went to get another video tape for his camera.

"Gaara ,did you get that package I sent you?" Lee asked.

"What package?"

"The one with my youthful doughnuts." Lee stated.

" Um…yes, but why do you call them youthful?"

"Yosh! You don't know! Gai-sensei and I eat those doughnuts every morning to help us become more youthful!"

"Do you have more?" Gaara asks. Lee nods and gives him a small bag. Gaara smiles a little and puts them in the pocket of his jumpsuit.

"I'm back." Kankuro mumbles. He grabs Gaara and brings him back to where they were told to meet up.

"Why did we agree to meet up in a bookstore?" Kankuro grumbles to himself. Gaara runs over to the children's section and plays with the trains. Kankuro ,however, looks around.

_How-to books, no . Romance novels…no. Horror, Nah I don't feel like reading it. Adult section… I wonder what's in there?_

Yes, Kankuro had stumbled into the Adult section where there are things…adults read.

_What's this book?_

Kankuro grabbed a small, orange book that had been in a small display table.

_Come Come Paradise? What kind of title is that?_

He then went back to the children's section of the store where Gaara was threatening the small children who tried to mess with his trains. He settled down with his book and many mothers looked at Kankuro and told their children not to mess with that 'weirdo'.

Soon Temari showed up and told Kankuro the good news. Kankuro was absorbed in the book and just mumbled a 'That's great'

Temari walked up to Gaara and told him ,"Now Gaara, you are going with Lady Tsunade tomorrow, Okay?"

Gaara nodded and they left the bookstore.

"Um. Excuse me sir, you have to pay for those books," the manager said motioning to Kankuro.

"Gaara… if you would."

Gaara put the man in his sand coffin with a grin, about to kill him when he yells ,"Free Come Come paradise books!"

Gaara then drops the man and Kankuro runs to get his free books.

**Meanwhile somewhere else**

Kakashi was training with his students when he had a strange sensation.

_My hentai senses are tingling! There's...free Come Come Paradise!_

"To the book store! Away!" Kakashi yells disappearing.

His genin look at each other, very confused, then walk home.

**Back to the bookstore**

Kankuro had gathered all of the Come Come Paradise and Violence books there were in the store. He also saw Kakashi there which slightly startled him,seeing how he found out in a matter of 2 minutes.

"Thank you for the free books!" Kankuro yelled, clutching them in his arms. He ran out of the store and was stared at as he ran to the hotel room. I mean who'd ever seen a guy who looks like a cat running with a large pile of adult novels? Not many citizens of Konoha.

Kankuro reached the hotel room and plopped down on the couch to read his novels as Gaara unkowingly consumed crack doughnuts.


	4. I'm just a little chubby!

Hello everyone! Sorry I wasn't able to update! I was computerless for awhile...

Disclaimer:I don't own Naruto no matter how much I wish I did.

This certain chapter is rated T for teasing Kankuro and Gaara crossdressing...

* * *

The next morning Temari came into her brothers rooms to make sure Gaara was ready for his arrival. She slowly turned the doorknob and saw Gaara in...her clothes?

"Why are you wearing my clothes !?!?" Temari screeched.

"All of my clothes shank in the wash, so I decided to get some of yours." Gaara said, pointing to shrunken jumpsuits.

Temari sighed. "Why didn't you get some of Kankuro's clothes?!?"

"His clothes are too big...they just kept on sliding off. Besides,I sorta like this...it has a breeze..."

_...okay then..._

"**YOU ALL THINK I'M FAT!!! I'M NOT FAT! I'M JUST A _LITTLE_ CHUBBY!!" **Kankuro yelled. (Where have we heard this before...hm...)

"Now, now no one called you fat..." Temari said, trying to calm him.

"Yeah, fat isn't the nicest term. I'd prefer overwieght,obese,large..." Gaara said with a glared at Gaara with such intensity,Orochimaru would've peed on himself. Temari quickly grabbed Gaara's arm and yanked him out the door before Kankuro could attack him.

_**"GAARA!!!!!!!"**_

Temari took Gaara as fast as her legs could take her to Tsunade's office. When she found Tsunade she threw the child towards her to avoid Kankuro who was catching up.

_Okay...that's done...Now to investigate._

Temari went over to the post office to find out where the package was sent from.

"It was sent to you from 123 High Lane, miss." The post man said.

"Thank you." Temari replied walking out of the room.

_...Now I need to find out where that is... after I eat something..._

Temari walked into Ichiharu ramen shop and sat down next to Team seven.

"Ha! I'm finally going to beat you Sasuke! Believe it!" Naruto yelled excitedly.

"Hn. Loser. Like that would ever happen..." Sasuke replied. Naruto glared at Sasuke,who was silently eating his ramen.

"...We can't even eat without them fighting..." Sakura mumbled to herself.

Temari continued to eat until Sakura received a bouquet of roses.

_Lucky...Shikamaru doesn't send me things..._

"'To my lovely cherry blossom. The youth burns bright within you. Love Lee. P.S. Meet me at my house for a surprise.P.P.S. My house is at 123 High Lane.' Puh-lease,like I'd go to Lee's 'youthful' home..." Sakura complained.

_...wait a minute...123 High Lane is Lee's house! That's who's been sending Gaara crack doughnuts!!_

Temari jumped up out of her seat upon discovering what has happened.

"Quick! Can anyone show me where Lee lives!?!?" Temari yelled

"I CAN! BELIEVE IT!" Naruto yelled back.

"THEN LETS GO!!!" Temari and with that the two blondes left.

"...Is it just me or all the blondes loud here?" Sasuke sighed.

_**Meanwhile at Tsunade's office**_

"Ooh! What's this!" Gaara squealed. He touched the picture frame and knocked it over, breaking it."Oops..."

"For the last time Gaara...quit touching everything..." Tsunade groaned massaging her was becoming aggravated with him seeing how he broke three picture frames, a vase, a chair and Shizune's arm.

_I need to get someone to take care of this child...but who? Kakashi? No, he already has to watch Naruto. Iruka? Nah. Kurenai? She'd probably lose him. Wait...Gai could watch him!!!_

"Shizune! Shizune!!! " The Gondamine yelled.

"Yes Tsunade?" Shizune said rushing in.

"Could you get Gai for me?"

"Sure!" Shizune said running off to find him.

_**Meanwhile at 123 High Lane**_

"There it is!" Naruto yelled, pointing to the green house in front of them.

"Thank you Naruto." Temari said.

_So this is it...I wonder if Lee even knew about this..._

Temari walked up to the window and saw two people talking.

"So...is everything going according to plan?"

"Yes,now the final phase can now start."

"Make sure Gaara is ready for the ceremony and make sure all the arrangements are to... his liking."

"Yes, sensei."


	5. Sasuke you're scaring me

_Whoa! Something creepy's going on here!_

Temari peeked into to the house only to see that the people had left. Using her mad ninja skillz ( I've always wanted to say that...) she crept into the house unseen.

_Hmm...what's this?_

Temari had picked up a piece of paper which seemed to have some instructions on it.

_...How to overthrow a village? Why would Gai want to do that? More importantly,why do they need Gaara?...They're using Naruto too...What's going on?_

"Sensei,I think that I left something in the room," a voice said as a person pulled open the door. Temari then quickly grabbed the instructions and left before she was caught.

_Phew! That was a close one!_

_**Later that day in Tsunade's office... **_

Gai walked into the room with Tsunade.

"Tsunade-sama,what is it that you need?"

"Gai,I'm you are to watch this child. It is an A rank mission." Tsunade said pointing to Gaara.

"That's...it? That's all I have to do?" Gai questioned.

"Yes,that's all." Tsunade grinned happily.

"YOSH!! Now let us go and explore the power of YOUTH!!" Gai yelled grabbing ahold of Gaara's hand. The two skipped out of Tsunade's office as Tsunade groaned.

"Shizune...get me some sake...Gai yelled in my ears again..." the Gondamine groaned.

_**Meanwhile with Gaara**_

"Well, what are going to do Gai-san? OOH! Can we play some games?" Gaara yelled.

"Sure! I have the perfect game in mind!" Gai yelled out.

"YOSH! WHAT IS IT?" Gaara squealed.

"We're going to play Simon says!" Gai exclaimed.

"Yay!...but, don't we need more players?" Gaara asked.

"Of course we do! Let's go and get some people!" Gai yelled running off with Gaara.

_**Elsewhere...**_

The rookie 9 and Kankuro were all in a room, wondering why Temari had gathered them all there.

"Settle down everyone. Now I have called you all here for a very important matter. I have recently learned that Maito Gai and Rock Lee are currently gathering resources to take over Konoha." Temari declared.

"...So you're telling me Lee and Gai are...evil?" Sasuke said.

"Well...yes. "Temari stated.

Then one of the most scary things in Konoha history happened. Sasuke...laughed. Actually, he didn't really laugh. It was more like a high pitched cackle. But still, it was very creepy. The others stared in disbelief as the Uchiha survivor looked like he was going to pee on himself.

And he did just that.

_...That...is just plain wrong..._

Sasuke continued to laugh as Sakura and Ino seriously considered crushing on Shino.

"Anyway...I have their plans...It seems that he wants to get Gaara on drugs to kill everyone..."

Sasuke eye's began to water as he laughed even harder.

Temari squints a little bit," No...wait...it seems that Gai also wants to..." She paled and began to mutter things.

"What! What's wrong?!?!" Naruto yelled.

"Gai is...a molester." Temari stated.

Kiba sighs," We figured that out a long time ago..."

"No. He's a pedophile..."

"We knew that too." Kiba replied.

"...He wants to rape all these people...on this list..."Temari shuddered.

"Let me see!" Kiba yelled snatching the list from Temari.

"Let's see...he wants to rape...me? Eww! That's nasty!"

Sasuke gasps for breath as he rolls on the floor laughing.

"Oh shut up Uchiha! He wants to rape you too! He wants to rape all of the young male shinobi!! He also wants to rape Kakashi!!!" Kiba exclaims. Sasuke paled,Choji stopped eating his chips and even Shino seemed a bit disturbed.

_Wow_..._It's even worse than I thought..._


	6. Emo AVENGER!

I keep on forgeting to do this... I don't own Naruto no matter how much I wish I did.

Sorry for not updating...I've been grounded and once I wasn't grounded I had writer's block...

This story is rated T for emo teasing and a unfortunate incident...

* * *

"What are going to do?" Shino asked.

"I want to lose it to a girl!!!" Naruto yelled out.

"I DON'T WANNA BE RAPED!" Choji cried out. Soon the whole room started to question how they were going to get through this.

_**"SHUT UP!!!"**_ Temari yelled. The room became silent." We are not going to lose our heads! That's just what he wants us to do."

"Well what _are_ we going to do? We can't just do _nothing._" Naruto sighed.

"I am going to divide you all up into groups based upon you strengths and talents."Temari stated. "These groups will be different than your regular teams and meant to defend against attacks. Kiba and Sasuke,you will be on the first te-"

"Why do I have to be put on a team with the emo avenger!" Kiba yelled.

"I'm NOT emo." Sasuke sighed. Everyone had thought he was emo since the chuunin exams, and frankly he was getting tired of it.

"Oh yeah,Sasuke.I forgot. You're not emo. You're just like to cut yourself..." Kiba said, sarcasm dripping from his words.

"That was a freak weapon accident and you know it was!!!!" Sasuke exclaimed.

"Yeah...emo." Kiba mumbled.

_**"Enough!"**_ Temari yelled. "You two are on a team and if you don't like it then you can be raped for all I care. The next team is Sakura and Ino...Team three is Naruto and Hinata and Team four is Shino,Choji and Shikamaru."

"What our teams supposed to do?" Hinata asked.

"Team one and three are for hunting down the doughnuts and whatever else Gai is using for the takeover. Team two is for luring Lee out. Team four...is just there. Tell me if you see anything...strange. Any other questions?"Temari asked. Everyone was silent.

"None? Good. You can leave now."Temari said. And with that all of the newly assembled groups left.

**__**

With Gai and Gaara

Gai,Lee,Gaara,Neji and Tenten were at the training and Tenten were watching as Lee and Gaara were playing Simon says.

"Touch your nose!" Gai says excitedly.

"Hai Gai-sensei!" Lee yells, touching his nose.

"Ha-ha! I didn't say Simon says!" Gai yelled.

"YOSH! I WON!!" Gaara squeals jumping up and down.

Neji sighed. Gaara had won twenty-seven times. It wasn't all that fun to watch since Lee always did what Gai told him to do.

"Can we eat now?" Tenten sighed.

"Sure!" Gai said, handing out bentos. "I made these extra _special _just for you guys!"

Neji and Tenten looked at each other then at the bentos. Tenten opened up her bento and saw some sushi. Neji opened his and saw the same thing.

"Go on! Dig in!" Gai said eating his own lunch. Tenten looked warily at her lunch and then took a bite out of her riceball.

__

Mmm...this is actually good!

Neji,still being a bit wary, mumbled that he wasn't hungry.

"Are you sure?" Gai asked.

"Yes, I'm sure." Neji replied. Tenten. had finished her lunch and so did Gaara and Lee. _I feel...sleepy... _Tenten thought as she leaned on a nearby tree.

_I'll just take a nap here..._

Soon Lee and Gaara were falling asleep too.

"Hey sensei...why is everyone sleeping? Why are you taking off your- **_OH MY GOD!!!_**" Neji cried.

_I have to get out of here and tell someone!! _Neji thought running like a mad man.

"Where do you think **YOU'RE **going?" Gai questioned,appearing right in front of him.

"Gai! Why are you-! What are you-! **_NOOO!!!!" _**Neji screamed in the empty forest.

_One down, eleven more to go..._

* * *

For those of you who are confused, bentos are lunches and Yosh means ALL RIGHT!! in Japanese. (That's why Lee doesn't say it on the show unless you watch it in Japansese with subtitles...)


	7. CATMAN!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto though I REALLY **_REALLY_** wish I did...

This chapter is rated T for mind control and Catman!

* * *

Gai looked down at his student, pleased with himself.

_It's his own fault for being on that diet of his...and not eating my doughnuts..._

Gai pulled Neji's pants back up, and cleaned his "stuff" off of the ground.

_Now I have to wait..._

Neji rose slowly,"Wha-**_OMG! GAI!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!_**"

Gai snapped his fingers," You were saying?"

"**_I SAID GET AWAY FROM M-" _**Neji grabbed his head, screaming in pain. Then suddenly he calmed down, letting his head go.

"I will do whatever you say, sensei." Neji said almost robotically.

Gai grinned," I thought you'd say that..."

**Meanwhile with Temari and Kankuro **

Temari was analyzing the papers that she had found at Lee's house and the list of male shinobi.

_Hmm...Gai wants Gaara to get all of the male shinobi for him...Eww...he also wants to rape him...What else..._

At the same time Kankuro was thinking of possible ways to protect all of the rookie nine from Gai raping them.

..._I've got it! _

Kankuro began to sketch protective armor for them all to wear.

_If I get to work right now then I can have it done for the mission later!_

Kankuro began to scribble even faster. Out all his ideas he was proud to say this was his best.

**With team one **

Kiba sighed," Are you done cutting yourself, Uchiha?" Sasuke had been in the bathroom WAY too long to be actually using it.

"I'm NOT cutting myself! I'm just a bit...constipated."Sasuke replied with a grunt. "I may be in here for a while..."

Kiba groaned. This was going to be a long day...

**With team two **

" So.. what do you wanna do?" Sakura asked. She and Ino had picked flowers, went shopping and helped in the Yamanaka flower shop.

"Let's go stalk Sasuke!" Ino said excitedly.

"Yeah! That's always fun!" Sakura replied.

And so the two girls went to stalk the object of their affection,Sasuke.

**With team three **

"What type of ramen do you want,Hinata?" Naruto asked with a grin.

"Um..I like green onion ramen..." Hinata said, blushing slightly.

Suddenly, two strangers walked in, wearing clothes that were, well...strange.

"Takuto! We don't have time to stop for ramen! We need to reap that Mitsuki's girl's soul!" a tall girl with pink hair said.

"Well, it can wait Meroko.I feel like eating." The boy named Takuto spoke." Two bowls of Green onion ramen!" He said to the cook.

"Idiot! He can't hear you!" Meroko yelled.

"Oh yeah..."

Naruto tapped the girl's shoulder. "Um...are you related to Sakura Haruno?"

"You can see us?"

"...Well yeah...I can..." Naruto said in a confused tone.

"I can too..." Hinata mumbled

"**CRAP! **Um...uh...Bye!" Meroko flew out of the room quite sighed, then left after her.

"Okay...that was weird..." Naruto nodded in agreement.

**With team four **

Shikamaru was watching the clouds while Choji was eating his was just silently meditating.

"When do we have to go on that mission?" Choji asked between eating his chips.

"Midnight tonight. We're supposed to be there by eleven to be given further instruction." Shino stated.

"It's troublesome. Why do we have to go save Gaara? He just glared and threatened to kill us all." Shikamaru complained.

"Because,Gai's probably going to use him to destroy the village." Shino said.

"Ah." Shikamaru sighed looking up at the clouds.

**At 11 'o clock **

Everyone was at Gai's house except for Kankuro.

"Come on Kankuro!" Temari yelled. "Time is precious on missions like this!"

"I have to make my big entrance!" Kankuro yelled back. "Now announce my presence!"

_I don't have time for this crap! _Temari thought with a sigh. "Look, up in the sky. Is it a bird? A plane?"

"No it's CATMAN!" Kankuro said jumping down from Gai's roof.

(enter cheesy entrance music)

"What was the point of that? And what are you wearing?" Kiba questioned.

"This? Oh, this is a jumpsuit." Kankuro said modeling it for them to see. "I have some for you all too."

"I'm NOT wearing a jumpsuit!" Kiba yelled.

"Listen. If you wear the jumpsuit,Gai can't pull your pants down since it's all one piece." Kankuro stated matter-of-factly.

"Hm...he does make sense..." Kiba mumbled.

"Okay, everyone just put them on. It's for your protection." Temari said.

"Hn. You don't have to put one on..." Shikamaru mumbled.

"Yes, I do Shika." Temari said. "Everyone get changed and come back in a few minutes. We need to strike before midnight."


	8. The mission begins

Disclaimer:I STILL don't own Naruto. If I did I'd brag about it.

This chapter is rated T for jumpsuits and looking at...places...

* * *

**_Ten minutes later..._**

"Kankuro..." Kiba growled through grit teeth.

"Yes,Kiba?"

"I hate you." He muttered. Kiba was frustrated. He was wearing one of those _stupid _jumpsuits and it was incredibly _**tight** _and it made him look **_STUPID!!! _**Most of the others didn't specifically _like_ them, but they'd rather wear them than get raped.

"Team two! This no time to be looking at Sasuke!" Temari yelled angrily. "Now we need to break into our teams! Naruto, you will lure Gai out and then we shall ambush him."

"I don't think that's a good idea Temari. He's a jounin and can easily take us all we should lure Lee out..." Kankuro said.

"Yeah,he has a point..." Shikamaru said. The other's agreed with them.

"Alright...Ino... you have to be the bait..." Temari sighed.

"What!?! Lee likes Sakura,not me!" Ino yelled.

"Well,duh. Everyone knows that. I want you to do it because,you can send your spirit into him while transformed as Sakura." Temari stated matter-of-factly.

"B-but! I don't wanna flirt with bushy brows!" Ino exclaimed.

"Too bad. You're doing it anyway." Temari stated. "Just pretend you're flirting with Sasuke..."

Ino sighed. It was times like this she wished she could share the family jutsu.

"Transform!" Ino cried out. The blond kunoichi turned into the pink haired one beside her.

"Um...Ino...I don't think you got it right..." Kiba said.

"Yeah,Sakura doesn't have that much of a ches-ow!"

Sakura glared at Naruto as he swallowed his words.

"It doesn't matter." Temari said with a sigh. "Just go ring the doorbell."

Ino walked slowly up to the door and rang the doorbell.

"Yes?" Lee said in his pajamas, looking quite tired. Soon his eyes lit up with excitement. "Sakura,what are you doing at my house at this time of night?"

"Well...my house burnt down and I was wondering if I could stay the night?" Ino said, looking at Lee with sad eyes.

"Uh...sure!" Lee said excitedly

"Great! Just let me get my bags." Ino made her way over to some logs (which looked like bags) and made some handsigns.

"Hey,Sakura...do you need help with those-"

"MIND TRANSFER JUTSU!" Ino yelled. She then slumped over.

_Did it work? _Temari wondered, watching from a ,suddenly a smirk crept on Lee's face.

"Alright guys! I'm in!" Ino yelled from inside of Lee's body.

"Good job, everyone else, we discussed what to do. Now is the time to do it."Temari stated.

Hinata and Sakura transformed into boy versions of themselves and then everyone went back into their teams.

"Alright,Let's move!"

And with that,everyone went into the open doors of Gai's house.

**_Meanwhile, somewhere inside _**

"Let me go! I don't like this game of Simon says anymore!!"Gaara cried. Gai had somehow managed to tie him down to a chair and make it to where he couldn't break free.

"Simon says eat a doughnut!" Gai yelled angrily pushing one into his mouth.

"NO!!!" Gaara said, spitting it out.

"EAT IT!"

"NOO!"

**"EAT IT!!!"**

_**"NOOO!!!"**_

Gai,becoming frustrated with the boy got the plate of doughnuts and started shoving them into Gaara's struggled, tried to move his head, and spat some out but eventually had to swallow the doughnuts.

"You have to eat these and get high again!!!" Gai yelled, shoving more into his mouth. "Butler, bring some more doughnuts."

Neji walked out of the shadows wearing a butler costume. "Here they are, master." Gai smiled at him.

"Good job Neji." Gai said giving him a congratulatory slap on the behind. "Keep it up."

"Yes, sir." Neji replied. Neji walked out of the room and into the then frowned and rubbed his bottom.

_Stupid old man...does he really think he can brainwash ME!?!** THE **Hyuuga Neji!?!? What a loser..._

Neji then walked into the room Gai gave him and changed into his normal clothes.

_Just you wait Gai...I'm going to get you for raping me..._


	9. Use THE FORCE!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.**

This chapter is rated T for peeping and Gai...doing stuff...

* * *

**With team one **

Sasuke groaned. His stomach had been upset ever since he drank that milk that morning.

"Will you be quiet! You're going to get us caught!" Kiba yelled.

"You're the one who needs to be quiet_. I'm _not the one yelling." Sasuke stated.

"SHUT UP!" Kiba yelled back at him.

"You can't make me." Sasuke said.

Akamaru began to whimper on top of Kiba head. At the same Sasuke's stomach growled.

"Do you know where the bathroom is?" Sasuke asked, clutching his stomach.

"It's the third door to the left."

"Thank's Kiba."

"Uh,Sasuke...I didn't say that..." Kiba said.

"Then who-**HOLY SHIT!" **

Gai emerged from the shadows with an evil smirk on his face.

"What do we do! What do we do! What do we do!" Kiba said,panicing.

"Uh..."

Gai started to walk towards them, almost in slow motion.

_What did Temari say to do if we ever saw Gai!?! Uh..._

Suddenly, an illusion in the form of Kankuro appeared.

"Kankuro,what do we do!?!?" Sasuke said, freaking out.

Gai was almost to them...

"Sasuke...you must use...**THE FORCE**!" Kankuro yelled, fire burning in his eyes. Suddenly an image of Temari appeared.

"Damnit Kankuro! Quit doing that!" Temari yelled smacking him over his head."Sasuke,you need to close your butt cheeks and run like hell."

Gai was right in front of them.

"Kiba! Close your cheeks and **_RUN!"_** Sasuke yelled,running.Kiba did just the same.

**With team 3**

"N-Naruto...I'm a bit scared..." Hinata said softly.

"Aw,don't worry Hinata. I won't let anyone hurt you!" Naruto said confidently.Hinata blushed slightly.

"T-Thank you Naruto..."

"Hey Hinata...I think I heard something...could you check?"

"Sure...BYAKUGAN!" Hinata said, veins popping. "I don't see anything..." Hinata said turning her Byakugan back off..

"Well, I guess I was just imagining things..." Naruto shrugged.

"Yeah.." Then Hinata fell over something.Naruto quickly caught her before she hit the ground.

"Are you alright Hinata?" Naruto asked, helping her back up.

"Um...yes..." Hinata mumbled, blushing.

"What'd you trip over?"

"Um...Tenten?" Hinata said, a little surpised.Just like she had thought, she saw Tenten lying on the floor before them.

"Man...my head hurts..." Tenten groaned. Getting up off of the ground. "And why am I wearing a maid costume?"

Naruto shrugged his shoulders," I dunno.Maybe Gai goes both ways..."

"What does Gai have to do with anything?" Tenten asked.

"Um...your sensei is trying to take over the village and rape all the young male shinobi. I guess he wants to rape the women too." Naruto said.

"I KNEW IT!" Tenten yelled out." You know...thinking back...there were a few obvious signs..."

**_Flashback_**

_Neji,Tenten,Lee and Gai were all at a hotspring.Tenten had secretly come back out, and was spying on her crush._

_"I sure do hope Neji doesn't have his Byakugan on..." Tenten said to herself._

_"Wow! Neji! You have such smooth,silky,skin!" Gai said. "Such a creamy white tone!"_

_"Uh...thanks?" _

_"Splash fight!!" Lee yelled, drenching Neji with water._

_"Hey!" Neji yelled splashing him back. The two boys splashed each other, while Gai seemed to be grinning strangely._

_"Why's he so happy?" Tenten mumbled. _

_"Hey Gai-sensei...why are you smiling like that?"_

_"Uh..."_

_**End of flashback**_

"Well...Tenten...we need to get your weapons...we may need your help on this mission." Naruto said

"Okay."

**With Team four**

"I wonder why Gai has a house this big..." Shikamaru wondered out loud.

"Beats me." Choji said munching on some chips.

"Maybe he's working for a feudal lord..."Shikamaru responded.

"But what feudal lord would want young male shinobi?" Choji questioned.

"I guess that might be revealed later on..." Shino stated.

**With Team two**

"Ino,could you put me down? This is getting annoying..."Sakura said.

"No! We have to make this look realistic." Ino said (still in Lee's body). "Quick! Act like you've passed out!" Sakura did it just as Gai walked up to her.

"Lee, I see you've gotten some more shinobi for me." Gai grinned.

"Um,yes, Gai-sensei." Ino said a bit nervously.

"Go put them in the room." Gai commanded.

"Y-yes sensei..." Ino mumbled. Gai strode off and Ino shuddered.

"And I thought his eyebrows were scary..." Sakura muttered.

**With Temari and Kankuro**

"...I think we're lost..." Temari said.

"** NONSENSE! **The Catman never loses his trail!" Kankuro yelled, making a dramatic pose.

_And everyone thinks Gaara's the crazy one..._

"Maybe we should stop for a second..." Temari said, leaning against a wall.

"**_NEVER!!_ **WE SHALL NEVER STO**- _AHHH!!!!" _**Kankuro yelled, falling down a trap door.Temari leaned off of the wall and noticed she leaned on a button.

_Oops..._

"I'm coming Kankuro! " Temari said jumping down the hole. She suddenly turned a dark room, lit up only by torches.

"**Temari!** **_Kankuro!_** **_GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!"_**

"Gaara?"

* * *

I'm making another Fanfiction...Neji X Tenten one...Be on the look out for it... 


	10. Betrayal

There before them, was Gaara in a large cage."What are you doing in here,Gaara!?!" Kankuro asked.

"I don't know...but...I wanna go home..."

"Don't worry Gaara! Catman shall save you!" Kankuro cried ran towards the cage and pulled out a poked at the lock with it,attempting to pick it.

"Kankuro! Don't do that! It's a tr-...nevermind..." A rope got caught on Kankuro's ankle and him flew high up into the air.

"You dumbass..." Temari sighed. "How could you NOT see that!"

"The Catman doesn't Catman was focused on other things." Kankuro stated. "Don't worry though! The Catman shall save himself!" Kankuro then cut the rope with his kunai and fell back towards ground and landed on his feet because,you know...cats can do that. Temari had just opened the lock when a person came in.

"Well,well,well,what do we have here?"

_OH CRAP! IT'S GA- Wait..._

And there stood,in all his moody glory, Neji Hyuuga.

"What are you doing here?" Neji asked.

"Saving are _you _doing here?" Temari questioned him.

"...I was raped...dragged here...then forced to be a butler..." Neji muttered looking downwards.

_Neji was forced to be a butler!?! That's HILARIOUS!!!! _

"I'm sorry that happened to you,Neji." Temari said with a snicker.

"Hn."Neji sighed.

Gaara emerged out of the cage,groaning slightly."Can I _please _get something to eat? I'm _soo _hungry..."

Neji sighed and reached into his pocket. "Here." He mumbled handing him an apple.

"Thanks!" Gaara smiled,eating the apple.

"Hm...do you _like _that apple?" Neji asked with grin.

"Yes,I do!" Gaara said,mouth filled with food.

"Is it _good?" _

"Yes! It's delicious!"

Then suddenly Gaara's eyes widened,and he passed out in the floor.

"What the hell did you do to Gaara,Neji!" Temari yelled,putting her had on her fan.

"Ah,but I'm not Neji..." He grinned ,disappearing in a puff of smoke.

_**"I am GAI!!!"**_

Temari's eyes widened as he appeared behind her.

_Oh.**CRAP!!!**_

"Gai-sensei!" Ino yelled (still in Lee's body) "I got more shinobi!"

"Good job,my student! Put them over here!" Gai said,pointing to a cage filled with unconscious people.

"Okay sensei!" Ino walked behind him and smacked him over his head.

"Ow! Lee! Why did you do that!!!"

"Because, I can sensei!" Ino yelled,running around. "Nyah Nyah! You can't rape me!!!"

"Oh yes I can!" Gai said chasing after him. Sakura sweatdroppped.

_That is a HORRIBLE impression of Lee...and yet he's buying it..._

"Release!" Ino mumbled,slumping over.

"I've got you now!" Gai grinned,holding onto Lee's arm.

"...Sensei? What the heck are you doing! Oh...you're just giving me a check-up. Sensei,I can take my clothes off by myself..."

Temari's eyes widened. "Lee! He's not giving you a checkup! He's trying rape you!"

"What?"

"He's going to _rape_ you!!! _**RUN!!!!!" **_Kankuro yelled.

"Huh?" Lee looked at his sensei,being very confused. "Would sensei really rape me?" He mumbles to himself. Then,suddenly, memories of him and Gai flashed through his mind.

_Flashback_

_Gai and Lee were taking their usual rounds around the training grounds._

_"Sensei,why did you smack my bottom?" Lee asked_

_"There was a bee on it and I didn't want you to get stung,Lee."_

_"Oh! Thank you sensei!" Lee smiled._

"Hmm..." Lee pondered,

_**"LEE! GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!" **_Temari and Kankuro yelled.

"Oh, don't believe them 're just jealous." Gai said.

"Hey wait...that was in winter...there were no bees...**YOU LIED TO ME!!!**" Lee cried out,getting from up under him.

"No,Lee,I-"

**"I TRUSTED YOU! AND Y-YOU USED ME FOR YOUR SEXUAL PLEASURES!!!!" **Lee yelled,tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Lee,wait-I"

**"Don't talk to me**_**!"**_Lee yelled again,walking away.

"But, Lee..." Gai pleaded.

"And to think I looked up to you..." Lee mumbled glancing at his sensei. Lee then walked over to where Temari and Kankuro was.

"I'm sorry,about what happened back th-" Temari started.

"Just...just leave me alone..." Lee sniffled.

Temari looked at her comrade,in disbelief.

_Wow..he must be really dense...not realizing that earlier...I mean he was GETTING the shinobi...wasn't he? _

"I-I can't do this.I can't do this anymore..."Gai muttered,on his knees. "I can't keep hurting people like this!!"

"Well,well,it looks like some got soft.I guess I can't rely on you anymore to get my test subjects anymore..."

Temari looked up and in the pale moonlight she saw...


	11. The gang's all here!

Grinning in the moonlight,Temari saw the snake sannin, stepped down and stood before them.

"You were behind all this!!!" Kankuro yelled.

"Well,of course I was! Did you really think Gai was evil? I mean he had the chance to join me a while ago,but he refused." Orochimaru said.

"He did?" Temari questioned.

"You all weren't alive at the time,but he said if any shinobi wanted to join him in sound,they could go on ahead.I'm surprised no one told Sarutobi..." Gai stated.

"Well,since you won't be getting me anymore test subjects,you're going to have to pay me back that money from the..incident..." Orochimaru said,with a smirk.

"Aw,come on! It's been years since that happened! And It's not my fault I had difficulty throwing kunai!!!" Gai yelled.

"Gai,you and Kakashi fighting broke all of the windows in my house! Do you know how much it was to replace them!!!"

"You don't live there anymore! Why do you care!!" Gai asked angrily. Orochimaru sighed angrily.

"I don't have time for this...Just give me Gaara,Naruto, and Sasuke and they're the only ones I need." Orochimaru said.

"Why do you need them?" Kankuro asked.

"Gaara and Naruto are just tools. Sasuke will be my new body after I take over the villages." Orochimaru stated.

"I'm not giving them to you." Gai said,stepping in front of Gaara.

"So...does this mean you're on our side?" Kankuro asked.

"Yes,yes it does." Gai said.

"Then it looks like we're going to have to do this the hard way..." Orochimaru then whistled and multiple ninjas appeared,including Kabuto.

"Kill them for me..."Orochimaru stated.

"Yes,Orochimaru-sama." Kabuto said pulling out a kunai.

_...I think we may need more people...even though Gai's a jounin,I don't think we can take down this many ninja..._

Temari pulled out her fan and Kankuro pulled out and Lee both took defensive positions. The ninja's charged at them led by Kabuto.

_Here we go..._

"Shadow possesion!!"

_Huh? Shikamaru? But he isn't..._

"Looks like I came in just in time..." Shikamaru jumped.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!" She yelled.

"Well,I'm supposed to do that...I'm a ninja." Shikamaru said with a grin. Temari sighed and shook her head.

"Where are the others?" She Choji fell from the hole onto and unsuspecting Kabuto.

"Get the hell off of me!!!" Kabuto yelled.

"So...you're calling me fat?" Choji asked,eyes shadowed over.

"To call you fat is an understatement. You are obese." Kabuto said,gasping for breath.

"He's done it now..." Shikamaru muttered.

_**"I'M NOT FAT! I'M JUST A LITTLE CHUBB- Oof!" **_Poor Kabuto now had Choji _and_ Kiba on top of him.

"Way to go,Emo Avenger! Now I don't know where we are!!" Kiba yelled upwards.

"I'm **NOT**EMOOOOO!!!!!" Sasuke yelled back,falling down the hole.

**"I **_**CAN'T **__**BREATHE!!!!!"**_ Kabuto gasped. "Get these kids off of me!!! Somebody!!! Help!!!"

"Why don't you get them off yourself..." Orochimaru then glared violently at him.

_Jerk..._

**Meanwhile Upstairs**

"Naruto,We've been going around in circles for hours. Can we take a break?" Tenten asked,leaning against a wall.

"Su-AHHHH!!!!!!"

"Naruto!" Hinata exclaimed.

"Naruto! Are you okay!" Tenten yelled down the trap door.

"Yeah!! Everyone else is down here!!! You should come too!!" Naruto yelled back. Tenten shrugged her shoulders and jumped down the looked down.

_That's really far down..._

"Hinata! You up there!!" Naruto yelled.

"Y-yes! I'm coming!" And with that Hinata jumped down.

"I've got you!" Naruto said,catching her.

"Nobody caught me..." Tenten pouted. Naruto let Hinata down.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes,I'm fine..."Hinata said gasped and passed out.

"Aren't we supposed to be having a large battle now?" Temari asked.

"I guess we'll have it later..." Shikamaru replied.


	12. I want you Uchiha!

I'm sorry for the lack of updates...I've barely had any time to myself,and I also have been having terrible cases of writers block.

Anyway...I don't own Naruto.I wish I did,but I don't.

This story is rated T for OOCness and...something Orochimaru says.

* * *

"If we're going to have a large epic battle, it should before my shadow retreats." Shikamaru sighed.

"Oh yeah,I forgot about !!!!!" Temari yelled. All of the genin charged towards the sound ninja.

"DO SOMETHING!!!!" Orochimaru yelled.

"Why don't you do it yourself!" one of the sound ninja yelled out. "You _are_ a sannin you know!!!" Orochimaru gave the man a dirty glare, and he gulped.

"_You_ are going to fight these imbeciles because _they're _not worthy opponents! Do I make myself clear!!" He growled.

"Y-yes s-sir!" The man said, terrified.

"Anyway,Kabuto,you can take it from here...Kabuto? _**KABUTO!!!!!**_" Kabuto had passed out form being crushed,tramped,and landed upon by most of the rookie 9. Orochimaru sighed, and muttered some colorful words under his breath.

_Of all the times for this to happen..._

"Looks like I'm going to have to get my hands dirty..."Orochimaru sighed. Then there was an odd noise.

"I told you all you took too long to attack. But did you listen? No..."

"Aw,shut up Shika." Temari muttered.

"Maybe not..." Orochimaru grinned. The shadow retreated back to Shikamaru and the sound ninja were released.

"Stop right there!" a voice yelled out.

"Neji!" Tenten yelled, blush on her cheeks. "You're here!"

"Neji could probably take most of the sound ninja out." Sasuke said.

"Why is he in a butler costume?" Shikamaru asked.

"It's a long story, and I'd rather not go into it." Neji sighed, going down the stairs to where everyone else was.

"Gai raped him, brainwashed him and made him his butler." Temari snickered.

"Hn..." Neji muttered, with a blush.

_How does she know about that? Someone must have told her...but who..._

Neji looked and saw Gai. Then he did something any man who was raped would do: He screamed.

"Rapist! _**RAPIST!! **__**RAPIST!!!**_ " Neji cried out, pointing violently at Gai. He then hid behind Tenten and assumed the fetal position. "The memories..._**THEY'RE COMING BACK!!!" **_

Tenten looked at Neji,with sympathetic eyes.

_Poor Neji...He must be really freaked out to react like this..._

Tenten gave Neji a hug and comforted sniffled looking petrified. Lee hugged Neji too.

"Oh,I know how you feel Neji! I-I was molested too!!" Lee muttered, on the verge of tears. Neji continued to sob and cry on Tenten as she and Lee comforted him.

"What a wuss..." Kiba muttered.

"I know..." Sasuke said. Tenten gave them a dirty look.

"Neji,I'm not the bad guy anymore..." Gai sighed, putting a hand on Neji's shoulder.

"LIAR!" Neji yelled back at him.

"Go away! You've done enough damage here!!! "Lee yelled. Gai looked a bit shocked, then sighed.

_Of course they hate me...I betrayed them..._

"Hello!! Can we get back to the battle?" Orochimaru sighed.

"Oh yeah,but who's going to take out the large group of ninja?" Temari asked.

"I will. You all take out Orochimaru." Gai said.

"But he's a sannin! We can't take him out!" Kiba exclaimed.

"Look, I didn't come here to fight..."Orochimaru stated.

"You didn't?" Temari asked.

"No...I just came for Sasuke. If you'd just hand him over I'll be on my way..."

"Wait...why do you want me?" Sasuke asked. Orochimaru walked up to Sasuke, took his hand and kissed it.

"Sasuke-kun...I want your body..." He grinned gazing up at him. Sasuke looked quite disturbed.

_I knew I had fan girls but fan boys? This is new..._

"Hey! You can't have a go at Sasuke until you join the fan club!!!"Sakura and Ino yelled. Everyone sweatdropped and Sakura ranted about the rules and procedures of joining as Ino shoved the paperwork into his face.

"Now would be a good time to attack the sound ninja..." Shikamaru whispered to Temari. Temari nodded and started to attack the enemy ninjas. Naruto,Hinata,Choji and Kiba followed suit. Kunai shuriken and various techniques went off as Sakura continued.

"Sign here, and here...initial this...Oh,and if you want to molest him you must get a permit from MBLA (Man Boy Love Association or the Molest Boys Legally Association)..."Ino pointed read over his papers and signed accordingly.

"There. And now you can do what ever you want to Sasuke!" Ino smiled.

"Don't I have a say in all of this?" Sasuke asked.

"NO!!!" The three yelled sighed.

"Sorry I asked..." Sasuke muttered.

"Wasn't I supposed to be doing something?"Orochimaru asked. "Oh yes. Attack my minio- HEY!! What happened!!"

Sound ninja were lying on the floor, pinned to the walls and just being knocked around like flimsy toys.

_This is way too easy!!_

"Are these people actually Jounin?" Temari asked.

"Yes, yes they are..."Orochimaru said, eye twitching.

_Note to self: Send all Jounin on harder missions._

"...Hm...I was supposed to be doing something...Oh yeah!"Ororchimaru appeared next to Sasuke and picked him up.

"I've got my prize. Now it's time to go!"

"Hey! you can't take Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said.

"Yeah! He's mine!" Ino yelled at him.

"I can take Sasuke,because I signed the paperwork."Orochimaru smirked, holding his papers stared at Sakura and Ino.

"Why didn't you see that coming? I mean it was obvious he would do that..." Kiba asked.

"It's Sakura's fault. She's supposed to be the smart one." Ino sighed.

"_My _fault! It's _**you're **_fault!" Sakura yelled at her. The two began to argue and as Orochimaru tried sneak out of the room with Sasuke who surprisingly didn't struggle.

_I'm almost there..._

**"Drop HIM." **a voice said from the window. Everyone one looked up and saw...

* * *

Cliffhanger!


	13. Gaara's awakening

Sorry about the lack of parents (being evil) took the computer away.I probably won't get it back until early august,so updates will be kinda slow.I'll try to make the chapters longer due to lack of updates.

I don't own Naruto.

This story is rated T for Kisame being on the toilet,Kabuto freaking out,and Gaara scaring people.

* * *

Kakashi,the copy ninja.

"Kakashi!!" Gai yelled,blush on his cheeks. Kakashi sighed heavily.

_Oh great. HE'S here._

Temari just happened to notice Gai blushing,and most of the other genin did too.

_Does Gai like Kakashi or something?_

"Oh,no! It's Kakashi! I'm SO scared!" Orochimaru said,sarcasm dripping from his words. Kakashi gave him a dirty glare.

"Put him down,Orochimaru." Kakashi said violently.

"You can't make me...I'm a sannin and I can do whatever I wa-**OW!! **Who did that!?!?**" **Orochimaru said pulling a kunai from his hand. Kankuro snickered quietly.

"Why you little-"

"Orochimaru,you're fighting me,not him." Kakashi said.

"I don't have to listen to y-ow!Who threw a kunai this time!!"Orochimaru yelled,yanking one out of his arm.

"I did."

A form walked from out of the shadows revealing a man in a black cloak with clouds on it.

"Itachi..." Sasuke growled.

"Who's that?" Sakura asked,blushing slightly.

"Whoever he is,he's pretty hot."Ino said blushing.

"Sasuke...what are you doing with Orochimaru? Did he offer to train you?" Itachi asked.

"...How did you know that?"

"...Lucky guess." Itachi smirked a little.

_He just doesn't wanna say he almost fell for my trick too..._

"Why do you want to help him now? Do you still have a soft spot for your baby brother!?" Orochimaru asked.

"No,I'm just here for the blonde kid." Itachi said pointing to Naruto.

"Hey! I have a name you know!" Naruto yelled.

"And you're not getting Gaara!" Temari said standing in front of her brother.

"Yeah!" Kankuro yelled stading beside Temari.

"I said the BLONDE one NOT him." Itachi sighed.

"Well,I'd love to stay here and chat,but I have a boy to steal!" Orochimaru said,getting a better grip on Sasuke.

"Sasuke,are you really going to go with Orochimaru?" Kakashi asked.

"It's better than staying near all these fangirls..." Sasuke sighed.

"But Sasuke...he's gonna molest you..." Gai warned. Sasuke looked horrified and tried to get out of his sighed.

_Why didn't he see this coming...the signs were OBVIOUS..._

"It's too late to change your mind Sasuke!" Orochimaru laughed.

"I'm not going anywhere with you!"

Sasuke struggled and eventually got out of his kicked Orochimaru and landed on the ground safely.

"Hm...the floor isn't hard here..."

**"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!! _CAN'T YOU LAND ON THE __GROUND!!!!!!" _**Sasuke looked at Kabuto beneath him,who had woken up and healed himself while the others were talking.

"That IS_** IT!!!! I'M SICK OF THIS!!!!!" **_Kabuto yelled throwing the Uchiha off of him in blind seemed surpised as well as Orochimaru.

_If he could throw Sasuke off of him,why didn't he throw the other kids off?_

"What do you mean,Kabuto?" Orochimaru asked,eyes filled with concern.

"I **QUIT!!!!" **Kabuto yelled looked stunned.

"Y-you can't quit! You owe me your life!" Orochimaru replied angrily.

"Look,I'm tired of you and everyone else trampling on me like I'm never appreciated me!You don't even remember my birthday!!!" He cried out.

"But Kabuto,I-"

"All I hear is 'Do this Kabuto,Do that Kabuto,Kill him Kabuto. ' Do you even care about me! No,you don't! You just want Uchiha as your new boy toy! What about me! What about my needs!! Huh? Did you ever think about that?!?" Kabuto asked.

"Well,No but-"

"No,no it's too late for that! You and I **ARE _THROUGH!!!!"_** Kabuto then took his jacket and huffed out the door,slamming it behind him. The Genin oohed at him as Orochimaru stood in the window,dumbfounded.

"Somebody got dumped..." Kakashi chuckled.

"S-shut up!" Orochimaru exclaimed,blushing slightly.

"Wow,I didn't know men had periods." Sasuke chuckled. Orochimaru a gave him a dirty look, then heaved a sigh.

"I better go get him..." He then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Well,that solves that problem." Kakashi said.

"But what about Itachi?" Gai asked.

"I'll handle him." Sasuke said.

"Come on Kisame,let's go get the boy." Itachi was no response.

"Kisame?" Itachi called looking around.

_Where'd he go?_

Hinata turned her Byakugan on.

"He's...upstairs...using..."

"What is it?"

"He's using the bathroom." Hinata said with a sighed and sighed in relief.

"Well,we should get Gaara to a hospital while we still can."Temari said.

"The Catman agrees." Kankuro said with a turned around and saw Gaara wasn't where he was supposed to be.

"Where'd he go?" Temari asked.

"Yes,where is Racoon lad?" Kankuro then felt a cold hand on his shoulder as atmosphere became very...unpleasant.

"Kankuro...quit calling me Racoon lad..." Gaara turned and saw a very angry Gaara,whose eyes gleamed evilly. A large amount of sand was behind him and had a menacing shadow over him. Kankuro paled.

"Catman...thinks he...wet himself..." Kankuro said, sighed.

_I guess Gaara is back to normal..._

* * *

No this isn't the end of the series... Gaara still has some...business to attend to...

Tune in next time for Gaara's destructive rampage!


	14. NO MORE CATMAN!

Hola my lovely readers!! I'm sooo sorry I haven't been able to update lately,but I STILL don't have a computer I can use often and school has been going on...So just to show I DO care about you guys (and gals) I will make this chapter LONGER!!!!

I don't own Naruto.I wish I did,but I don't.

This chapter is rated T for...exposure...

* * *

Gaara began to clutch his head and tumbled to the floor. Everyone gathered around to see Gaara in pain.

_Well,It looks like I spoke too soon..._

"What do we do?" Hinata asked,staring at the child.

"I KNOW! We should-"

"Lemme guess. We should rape him." Kakashi replied.

"I was not going to suggest that!"

"Sure..." Kakashi said,pulling out the newest volume of Come Come Paradise. Gai sighed and shook his head.

_Why must he keep reading those things..._

Kankuro stared at Gaara,who was rolling around in the floor,screaming.

"Are you okay Gaara? Do you need to go to the hospital?" Kankuro asked. Gaara gave him a very dirty glare as Kankuro chuckled.

_That's what he gets for making me wet myself..._

Gaara the grabbed Kankuro's shirt,dragging him down to the floor. Kankuro paled as sand slithered across the floor towards him.

"If...you don't get me to a hospital...I'll...I'll-!"

Gaara began to have convulsions on the floor. Temari then helped Gaara up and put one of his arms over his shoulder.

"Could someone give me a hand?"

Kakashi sighed and took the boy away from her. Temari looked at Kakashi,a little worried.

"Don't worry.I'll get him to the hospital."Kakashi says,reassuring her. He then disappears in a puff of smoke.

**A few weeks later**

"So...how's Gaara doing?" Temari asked a nurse.

"He's doing better..." She replied. with a there was the sound of people screaming.

"Gaara! Calm down! We just need to give you your medicat-AHHH!!!!"

"Damnit! I'm tired of being in this place! Who put me in here anyway!! I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS CRACK!!!!"

"Wow,Gaara's really making progress..." Kankuro said with sarcasm.

The nurse sighed and pulled out a rather large needle.

"Here we go again..." she said as she walked towards the boy.

**A few minutes later**

Gaara had calmed down,as well as killed two of the sat next to him in his bed.

"Gaara...why did you have to kill those doctors...they were only trying to help you..."

"Hn."

"Gaara,you only have to deal with them for a little while..."

"Yeah,you'll be out of here in no time!" Kankuro said.

"That's what they all say..." Gaara sighed and stood up.

"Well,we have to go now. See you tommorow."

"Bye." Gaara shut the door behind them and Gaara sighed and turned on the television.

_This place is so boring...and there's nothing to do but watch soap opras this time of day..._

Gaara left the television on and watched the drama unfold.

"No! Darian! Don't leave! You can't fight in this condition!" A woman cried out on the man named Darian shoved her away and the woman gasped.

"Serena,I'm leaving whether you like it or not! Besides,as long as that man is out there I shall never rest! Revenge shall be mine!!"

The man named Darian then ran out of the hospital,leaving Nurse Serena behind.

_Hm...that's not a bad idea..._

**That night**

Gaara changed out of the hospital gown he had been given into his normal clothes. Using his third eye he peeked out into the courtyard.

_No one's out there...good._

Gaara opened the window and the crisp night air flew inside. He then crawled out of the window and left the hospital.

**Later on that night**

Nurse Yukino had been assigned the job of taking care of sighed heavily as walked down the hallway.

_They always give the bad jobs to the newcomers...Anyway,I hope he doesn't kill me..._

She took a deep breath,and kicked the door open.

"Hey Gaara-san! I brought you some foo-Hm?"

_Where'd he go? Crap..._

"Gaara? Gaara? Where are you?" She said looking around his plopped down on his bed and sighed.

_Well,now they're probably going to send me out to find him...What's this?_

Yukino picked up a piece of unfolded it to reveal a said:

_Dear whoever is reading this,_

_I'm out to exact my revenge on those who caused me to be in this place.I'm not coming back So ...yeah...bye._

_Gaara_

_P.S. Tell Temari that Kankuro's on my hit list,and I'll be back in Suna in a few weeks._

Yukino found that this would be pretty hard to explain to her boss...

**With Gaara**

Gaara pounded onto Maito Gai's door.A tired Lee opened the door.

"Gaara?"

"Lee?"

"Gaara!"

"Lee? Why are you at Gai's-"

"GAARA!!!"

"Lee? Why are you looking at me like tha-OOF!"

Lee hugged gave Gaara one of his world famous hugs,complete with a sunset in the backgound.

"Let...Go...Of...ME!!!!"Gaara let him go and frowned a little.

"You used to like my hugs..." Lee sniffled.

"Yeah,well that's when I was on crack..." Gaara sighed.

"Aw..."

"I need to talk with Gai about this crack business..."

"Well...he's not here right now..." Lee said looking slightly amused.

"Why?"

"Because...Lady Tsunade found out about what Gai did and she wasn't very pleased,to say the least...So...I'm just house-sitting..."Lee said with a chuckle.

"Oh..." Gaara sulked a had been looking forward to his revenge.

"By the way,Gaara...Orochimaru forced Gai to put you on crack..."

"He...did?"

"He had this big scheme about overthrowing the villages too..."

Gaara he would have to go all the way to the sound village.

"Well,then I'll leave now..." Gaara said turning towards the street.

"Gaara...if you don't mind me asking...why did you want to find Gai ?" Lee asked,looking a little curious.

"Oh...no reason..." Gaara then walked off into the darkness of the night,leaving Lee by himself.

**The next morning **

Yukino paced back and forth in front of Gaara's door.

_I'm already in trouble with my boss...I just hope those ninjas don't freak out..._

Temari and Kankuro walked up to the worried Yukino.

"Could you move? We need to get to Gaara's room and you're blocking the door." Kankuro said. Yukino looked startled.

"Um...He's not in there..."

"What do you mean he's not in there!?" Temari sighed.

"He...ran away last night..." Yukino then handed her the letter Gaara had left. The siblings both read the note and looked at each other for a second.

"Is he after Gai...or Orochimaru?" Temari wondered out loud. "What do you think Kankuro?"

"I don't know...but don't worry..THE CATMAN IS HERE!!!!." Kankuro said ripping his clothes off and assuming a heroic pose. Temari and Yukino's eyes twitched.

"MY EYES!!!!THEY BURN!!!!!" Temari covered her eyes and grew pale.

"Oh come now...my jumpsuit isn't that...bad..." Kankuro's eyes widened and he blushed noticing how he exposed himself. Yukino turned away,and started looking for some hospital gowns.

"I-I didn't need to see that..." She mumbled looking pale. She looked around,found some gowns and handed them to him,eyes closed. Kankuro took them and quickly put them on.

"I-is it safe now?" Temari asked warily.

"Yes..." Kankuro two women,mentally scarred open their eyes and turned back towards Kankuro.

"As I was saying...NEVER FEAR! CATMAN IS HE- Ow!" Kankuro whined as Temari grabbed his ear.

"NO MORE CATMAN!" She said glaring at him venomously.

"Okay..." He mumbled, sulking as he followed Temari out of the hospital.

_Stupid brothers..._

* * *

Where is Gaara? Will Temari and Kankuro find him? Will Gaara be able to have his revenge? And what will Kankuro do now that he can't be Catman anymore? Tune in next time!


	15. Thirst for blood

Hello my lovely readers!! I'm SUPER sorry for not updating...I always get distracted with other things,not to mention the lack of a computer I can use regularly...

This chapter is rated T for things...no one ever wanted to see...and Gai's punishment...**

* * *

****With Gaara**

Gaara made a lot of progress in one day and had finally arrived at the Sound. He had walked a few miles,but he...erm..._convinced_ some travelers to bring him along. As he went to the front gates,he saw some posters,which said:

_By order of Orochimaru: _

_Today is Kabuto Appreciation Day. Everyone is taking a day off so...enemy ninja...STAY AWAY!!!_

_P.S. We mean it!_

Gaara sighed at the poorly written poster and broke open the gates.

_Where's Orochimaru..._

He stared at the the stores and buildings,infested with posters of Kabuto smiling,laughing and posing looked around and saw a sign which said:

_**Want to shake hands with the amazingly sexy,awesome,cool Kabuto? Meet him at Orochimaru's Lair,which is this way!!!!**_

Gaara grinned.

_Now we're getting somewhere!!!_

**At Orochimaru's lair**

"Oro-kun...no one's coming..." Kabuto said. There was no lines of people to meet everyone seemed to be drinking sake and being lazy instead appreciating him.

"What about your fangirls?" Orochimaru said pointing to a few women dressed up as him and holding some of him posters up,screaming.

"They don't count... They ask for my autograph every day..." He complained. "I want a parade..."

"Kabuto,we don't have anything for a parad-"

"I WANT A PARADE!!!" He yelled throwing a temper tantrum. Orochimaru sighed.

_Kabuto's been such a brat lately...but I can't tell him that because I need him...for...stuff..._

"You can have a parade next year..."

"NOOOO!!!! I WANT IT **NOW!!!!!!"**

Orochimaru frowned. Why'd he let Kabuto guilt trip him into this?

**With Gaara**

Gaara walked into the lair,unnoticed by all of the drunken,lazy ninja of the Sound looked up and saw Kabuto being fanned by very tired looking genin.

"Can I stop now? My arm hur-"

"Shut up and fan more!!!!" Kabuto yelled. The worried genin fanned as fast as their poor arms could. Kabuto then rang a small bell.

"Oh servant-boy!!!!" Kabuto said in a sing-song voice.

Then the Snake sannin,Orochimaru ,came out only wearing a grass skirt and a hat filled with a variety of tropical fruit. Gaara's eyes widened.

_That is just plain wrong..._

Orochimaru stomped angrily towards Kabuto and got on one knee.

"Yesss,Kabuto?" He said eye twitching angrily.

"Could you get me some water? Sitting up here has made me thirsty..." He said.A shadow slowly crept over the area.

"You know...I'm a bit thirsty myself...do you know what I have a thirst for?" Gaara said,walking towards them. Orochimaru looked to see the child,grinning evilly. The genin gulped and stopped fanning.

"What is it?" Kabuto asked. Gaara began to laugh evilly,sand rising in a threatning manner.

"I have a thirst for...**BLOOD!!!"**

**Meanwhile **

Temari and Kankuro were sitting in the lobby of their hotel,thinking.

"Who do you think he wants his revenge on?" Kankuro asked.

"It'd either be Gai,or Orochimaru..."Temari answered.

"I think Gai would be the first person he'd be after...after all he was the person who put him on crack..."

"That's true Kankuro...but it was Orochimaru's idea in the first place..."

"How are we going to figure out which one he went after?" Kankuro asked.

"I don't know,but sitting here isn't going to help..."Temari said getting up. Kankuro followed suit and they both went out of the hotel.

"Maybe Tsunade will know what happened to Gai..." Temari continued.

**A Few Minutes Later**

Temari and Kankuro was outside of Lady Tsunade's office. Shizune opened the door and Tsunade was at her desk, doing some paperwork.

"Hello,Lady Tsunade." Temari said.

"Hello. Is Gaara recovering well?"

"Um...that's what we wanted to talk you about...you see...he ran away..."

"What!?!Why!?!"

"He wanted to exact revenge on the person who put him in rehab..." Kankuro answered.

"We wanted to find out what had happened to Gai...so then we could determine if he went after him..."

"There's no way he's after Gai,I've given him a very...unique punishment..."

"...What kind of punishment?"

"Well..."

**Somewhere else...**

_I know I saw one around here somewhere..._

Gai wandered around aimlessly and was growing a tad bit frustrated. He was wearing normal clothes,for one, and Tsunade had ordered all of his jumpsuits to be thrown in various areas in and around the said he threw his in the river. Gai growled angrily.

_How am supposed to train now?!?_

"Curse you TSUNADE!!!!!!"

**Back to Tsunade's office**

"Wow...that is evil..." Kankuro chuckled evilly and Kankuro hid behind Temari.

"D-don't let her take my jumpsuits..." Kankuro grinned evilly.

"Lady Tsunad-"

"NOOOO!!!!!" Kankuro yelled. Tsunade looked at him strangely.

"Thank you for teling us that information,Lady Tsunade." Temari said with a then dragged Kankuro out the door.

"We need to get ready for our trip to Sound Village." She said dragging the boy out of the building.

* * *

Will Gaara exact his revenge?

Will Orochimaru change out of that costume?

Will Gai ever find all of his jumpsuits?

Is Kabuto going to stop being a brat?

Tune in next time!


	16. Snake man's lover!

This chapter is rated T for...strange flashbacks...and some cursing.

* * *

**Back with Gaara**

"No...please...HAVE MERCY!!" A genin cried,trapped inside of Gaara's sand coffin.

"...Fine." He sighed,merely tossing the child into a groaned,trying to get the sand out of his eyes and hair.

"Damnit! I just came back from the salon! What's the point of coming here when you just got sand all in my friggin hai-AHH!"

Gaara had him in his sand ready to crush Kabuto saw his life flash before his eyes...

_Flashback_

**_Childhood:_**

_All of the first year ninja of the ninja academy were sitting at their desks,waiting on their teacher to start the came into the clasroom,cheerful and bright._

_"Alright children! Are you ready to learn?!" She yelled. No one responded but Kabuto,who replied with an eager,"I am!"_

_"Alright,That's the spirit! So the tell me..erm..."_

_"Kabuto."_

_"Oh,yes, Kabuto,why do you want to be a ninja?"_

_"Well...I want to be...a spy! And...um...A snake man's lover!" He yelled excitedly,eyes filled with passion. The teacher stared in shock. Typically she would get an answer like,"To be the next Hokage!" or "To protect the village!" She wasn't quite expecting Kabuto to talk about being a 'snake man's lover.'_

_"T-that's nice Kabuto..."_

While Kabuto's unpleasant adolencence and rise to adulthood was flashing before his eyes,Gaara noticed the look on Orochimaru's face.

"What's wrong Orochimaru? Angry that I'm about to kill you lover?" He said grinning evilly.

"He's not my lover!!" Orochimaru yelled. Kabuto's flash backs stopped momentarily.

"W-what?" Kabuto asked, looked at Orochimaru,a bit hurt.

"Why? D-do you not love me?" Kabuto asked,eyes filled with tears.

"Who would love someone who demands so much and appreciates so little?! Everything I did for Kabuto day,you complained about! All you said to me were orders! 'Orochimaru do this,Orochimaru do that,Orochimaru,get those fangirls out of here,Wear this maid costume,Orochimaru!' You didn't care about me or my feelings at all!! I-I HATE you!!" Orochimaru screamed. Gaara looked slightly amused with all of the drama going on.

_Wow...this is better than the soap opras..._

Kabuto looked at him,horrified with what he just said.

"B-but...Orochimaru-sama...I love you..." Kabuto whimpered. He glanced at him for a second,then turned away.

"Hmph." Orochimaru muttered,going back into his lair. Kabuto soon found himself out of Gaara's sand coffin. He gave him a confused look.

"I came here to exact my revenge on Orochimaru.I was going to kill you,but it's pointless now...I'll just go destroy the village..." Gaara said. With that he left the depressed Kabuto alone at Orochimaru's estate.

**Meanwhile**

Temari and Kankuro had just arrived at the Sound village. How had they gotten there so quickly? Well...

_Flashback_

_Temari and Kankuro were going through the woods,int the direction of sound village._

_"Temari...Are we there yet..." Kankuro sighed heavily._

_"No, we aren't there yet..." She replied._

_"How about now?"_

_"No."_

_"Now?"_

_"No!"Temari yelled,growing agrivated._

_"...How about now?"_

_"Kankuro,SHUT UP!!"_

_"I'm not Kankuro! I'm Catma-Temari...what are you doing...put the rope down...Temari!!"_

_(No,this isn't Sandcest...)_

_Very soon Kankuro found himself tied up and on a stolen cart._

_"I probably should've done this to begin with..."She muttered opening her turned towards the back of the cart and opened the fan completely and swung it back and forth propelling them towards their destination._

_Flashback over..._

Temari glanced over at Kankuro,wondering if she should untie him. She figured that it would be better off for her not go solo. She cut the rope tied on him and Kankuro got off of the cart.

"The Catman is fre-"

"Would you shut up!" Temari whimpered a little as Temari noticed that there was a little sand on the ground,and the gate had been left slightly ajar.

_Gaara was here...I can just tell..._

"Come on Kankuro...let's go..."

**Elsewhere**

Gaara was terrorising the villagers,and enjoying every minute of it.

"If I can't ruin his life by hurting his lover...I'll just destroy the village!"

Jounin of the sound village tried to attack the boy,but alas,no matter how many kunai they threw,it didn't work.

"Why doesn't someone get Orochimaru! We need him!!" One of the jounin yelled,dodging Gaara's sand.

"Um...now's not exactly a good time..." Another responded.

**Orochimaru's Lair**

_Oh crap...why do they give the bad jobs to the genin..._

Ryusei complaining wasn't going to help the village...

"Orochimaru-sama...open up..."

"No." He replied. Who would imagine the sannin,Orochimaru,sitting on the couch,watching soap operas and shoveling ice cream into his mouth?

_...I wish I hadn't said all of that...Kabuto...he must hate me now..._

"Really,Orochimaru-sama...the village is under attack...isn't that important to you?"

"No...Only Kabuto is..." Orochimaru whimpered. He was now getting a little frustrated.

"Ororchimaru! Open the damn door!!" Ryusei yelled,beating on it.

"Don't yell at me!" He wined through the door. "If you do...I'll...kill you!!"

_...Is he being serious? _

Ryusei decided not to risk it and walked off towards Kabuto's room.

**A few minutes later**

"Kabuto...open the door."

"No."

_I've really been a jerk lately...Orochimaru...he must hate me now..._

"Kabuto,the village is under attack! We need you! Don't you care about your fangirls!"

"Screw the fangirls! I just...want Orochimaru to like me again!!" Ryusei growled,kicking the door down.

"Damnit,Kabuto! Get out here!" The small genin then grabbed the collar of his shirt and somehow managed to drag him out,ice cream and all.

"But...I don't fe-"

"Too damn bad! You've helping anyway!" Ryusei snarled,dragging him out the lair.

* * *

Hello! Sorry for not updating! Anyways...

Will Gaara destroy the village?

Will Orochimaru and Kabuto ever make up?

Will Temari and Kankuro ever get to Gaara!

Tune in next time!


	17. I like Kabuto's hair!

Hello,Hello my dear readers!! I have some good news for you!! darling author, Tsu-chan (aka me) has turned 16!! I got a laptop from my parents which means...

MORE UPDATES!! (yays!!)

Anyway...Previously on Something's wrong with Gaara...

Kanku- I mean...Catman and Temari had finally gotten to the sound village.

Orochimaru and Kabuto had a fight and have been emo,eating ice cream,and watching sappy soap opreas in their to Gaara destroying the village,Kabuto has reluctantly been dragged out of his room to join the fight.

Now on with the story!!

* * *

"I don't wanna fight...I wanna go be emo in my room!!" Kabuto wailed

"Why do you want to be emo?" Ryusei asked,still dragging Kabuto.

"B-because Orochimaru-sama likes Sasuke and he's emo...so I thought if I start acting emo he'll like me again..."

Ryusei sighed.

"He'd probably like you more if you saved the village..."

"R-Really??" Kabuto asked,eyes sparkling with hope.

"...Yes,really."

Then suddenly Kabuto wiped away his tears,stood up and thew his ice cream away.

"Orochimaru-sama...I will make you love me again! I will become worthy of you!!" He cried running of into the sunset,which seemed to appear out of nowhere.

"Kabuto!! Kabuto!!" Ryusei yelled running after him ," The battle is that way!!"

**Meanwhile...**

"You know...for a village...this place is very quiet..." Temari said.

"The Catman wonders why...?" Kankuro asked. Suddenly from out of nowhere...they came upon a large poster of Kabuto,shirtless, and making a suggestive pose.

"Want to meet the uber-sexy awesome Kabuto? Head this way... " Temari read out loud. Then Temari had a very large grin on her face.

"Kankuro-"

"Wow! I wanna meet Kabuto!! I wanna know who does his hair!! It looks so...manly!"

Temari looked at her brother strangely.

"What! Can't the Catman admire another man's hair!?"

Temari sighed.

_He completely missed the point,didn't he?_

"Well,Kankuro,why don't we meet Kabuto?" Temari grinned and ran off in the direction of the large arrow on the took off after him.

_Meeting this Kabuto will bring us right to Orochimaru...who will bring us right to Gaara!_

**Meanwhile...**

Ryusei had managed to catch up with Kabuto and bring him to where the battle was...

"Kabuto! Thank goodness you're here!" A jounin cried out.

"Kabuto-san! What should we do!?"

"...Um..."

_I'm good at medeical jutsu! Not strategy!!_

"...Charge!!"

"But...Kabuto,we did that already..." Ryusei commented.

"...Charge anyway!"

The foolish sound ninja charged at Gaara,only for him to block with his sand.

_Hm...I wonder if there are any good soap opras on right now..._

Gaara wondered to himself. Kabuto watched in horror as piles of ninja were thrown,pummeled and killed.

_Hm...how would one beat Gaara? I need to think of a weakness in his techiques...wait a minute...I've never really seen this guy in battle...crap..._

He looked towards multiple ninja charging towards him,noticing the sand shooting up and blocking the attacks.

_Maybe...If one was fast enough...they could get past that barrier...or maybe someone could find something which could break though the sand...but what,and who could do this!?_

Studying the ninja Kabuto noticed that even the best of their jounin were slow because they were tired,or had too much sake.

_I guess I'll have to do this one myself..._

Kabuto went down into the heat of the battle chakra forming in his hand...

_I hope this works..._

"GAARA!! What the hell are you doing!?"

"Isn't it obvious? Raccoon lad is fighting crime!"

"...Temari? What are doing h-ARG!!"

"GAARA!!"

* * *

I'm evil,aren't I? XP Anywho...

What happened to Gaara?

Did Kabuto's attack do any damage?

Will Ka-I mean Catman and Temari join the fight?

Will Ororchimaru ever come out of his room?

Tune in next time!!

Oh and by the way...You may (or may not) have noticed that I read my reviews. In fact when I get a lot of them (from different people mind you) it encourages me to update faster! So if you want more tell me! If you love this story,tell me!! ;)


	18. Legwarmers

Hello,hello all! Welcome again to another exciting installment of Something's wrong with Gaara!!

Previously on Something's wrong with Gaara...

Temari and Kankuro finally found Gaara!!

Kabuto was...persuaded into coming out of his room,and decided to save the sound village and earn Orochimaru's love back!!

Now there is a large epic (well...not really) battle taking place!

LET THE FIGHTING **BEGIN!!  
**

* * *

"Crap, some sand got in my eyes..." Gaara complained,rubbing at them a little.

Kabuto looked up from all the sand and smoke to see he had done no damage.

_Wha...what the hell!! That's what you're supposed to do right? Attack him quickly with charka!_

If only Kabuto realized when he ate all of that ice cream,he gained a little weight,thus making him slower,he wouldn't have tried again.

"This is for Orochimaru!!"

Kabuto charged at Gaara once more, but this time Gaara Kabuto even reached him,Gaara gabbed his ankles with sand and threw him into a wall.

_Ooh...that gotta hurt...he actually broke through the wall..._

Temari thought to studied the battle,figuring out what was going on.

_It seems that Gaara's only destroying the village...rather than attacking the villagers._...

"Hey,Gaara! I think you've destroyed enough of the village! You need to come back now!!"

"...Wait a second! I just have one more thing to destroy!" Gaara then made his way to a large,Orochimaru statue,which he destroyed with sighed and grinned just a little.

"This should take them a while to fix...let's go home..." Gaara sighed. Temari nodded and the two started walking towards the village gates.

"Hey! The Catman wanted to fight too!I wanna-"

"Kankuro,you missed your 's .We're leaving."Temari stated.

"Aw..."

**Meanwhile...**

"Kabuto...Kabuto...Kabuto,speak to me!!" A voice opened his weary eyes to find Orochimaru's staring back into them.

"Kabuto!" He smiled,glomping him. Kabuto winced and Ororchimaru pulled back.

"Oops...forgot you were injured." He chuckled a looked very confused.

"I...I thought you hated me..."

"How could I ever hate you,Kabuto? ...I...I...lo-"

"Orochimaru-sama! The village has been desto-ahh!!" the man screamed seeing Orochimaru's evil glare.

"If you don't get out of here I'm gong to castrate you with a snake!"

The man paled and slowly stepped out of the room,shutting the door behind him.

"Now...where were we? Ah yes,I lo-Kabuto,why are you crying?" Orochimaru looked into his eyes and smiled gently.

"I love you,Ororchimaru..."

The two,feelings finally expressed,held each other,ignoring the sounds of toppling buildings behind them.

(Author's note: Awww...I don't like this pairing,but now I sort of do...)

**Meanwhile in Konoha**

Gai had FINALLY found all his pumped his fist up into the air.

"YOSH! They're all here!"

As he switched form normal clothes to his jumpsuit, he realized he was missing something very important...

His legwarmers.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

* * *

Will Gai ever be able to wear his jumpsuit again?

Will Ororchimaru and Kabuto stay happy together?

IS THIS THE END OF THE STORY!?

Tune in next time for the EPILOGUE!!(or is it?!)

* * *


	19. The end?

Hello everybody! It is the final chapter aka the epilogue!!!

I'm oh so very sorry for not updating....I'm a terrible procrastinator...that and I had a file on here that I made,but it was deleted...so I had to start over....

I've noticed a whole lot of typos in my story...*sweatdrops* Sorry! I've noticed that sometimes when I try to change words,it messes up and just gets worse....and it won't save my changes correctly.

But here is the chapter! It takes place during Shippuden.

This chapter is rated T for underage drinking and ending.

* * *

Gaara was sitting in his office,very he had become Kazekage this became a usual there was paperwork,pictures,meetings with the Jounin,and the daily visit to the Ninja school.

_Ugh...its too peaceful around here....I wish someone would attack for once...give me something fun to do..._

GROOOWL!

Gaara's thoughts were interrupted by the rumbling of his had cooked again and Gaara figured that it would be better to be hungry than to be throwing up.

_So....hungry...._

Gaara looked around the office for something to eat.

_I can't eat paper...or sand...or my desk...ooh! A box!_

Gaara rushed over to it,but he found nothing inside.

_Damn._

"Special delivery for the Kazekage!" A man said,opening up the door.

"Is it food?" Gaara asked,eyes sparkling.

"Eh...maybe..." The man said,surprised by his snatched the box out of the man's hands and shooed him out the room.

_Hehe....mission accomplished... _

The man thought to himself as he dissappeared.

"Hmm...wonder what's inside?" Gaara asked himself as he opened the box,which contained a bottle of a mysterious liquid.

_Temari told me not to take drinks from strangers...but....I wanna try it...What to do...I know!_

"Kankuro!!" Gaara yelled,looking around for him.

"Coming!!" He soon appeared in his office,makeup slightly smudged.

"What is it Racoonla-....I mean Lord Kazekage....?"

"I need you to test this for me." He said,pointing to the bottle on the shrugged his shoulders,and took a look at the pulled the stopper out and sniffed it slightly.

"Hm...it smells like...Sake!" Kankuro quickly got himself a cup and filled it up.

"Hmm...tasty! Its safe Gaara!" He said,pouring himself another looked at the cup warily.

_Technically...I'm not over the legal age....but I'm the Kazekage! They can't do anything to me..._

"Pour me a glass,Kankuro!"

**~A Few Hours Later~**

Temari had come back from a mission,and was supposed to give Gaara a report of what had happened.

"Hey,I'm ba-...Crap."

Gaara and Kankuro had gotten sloshed,and the office was a was passed out on a couch,holding the Sake bottle in his hands,while Gaara was slumped over his desk,groaning.

_Geez,I can't even leave for one day..._

Temari took the bottle of sake away from Kankuro,to look at the cover.

_Hm...it looks pretty safe...wait! What am I saying! It's bad if the Kazekage is drunk!  
_

Temari shook Gaara earning a hug.

"Heeeey Temaaariiii....What's uuuup?" Gaara asked,face pushed him off.

"Nothing.I need to get you sober...." She said,grabbing Gaara's arm and yanking him out of the room.

**~A Few hours later~**

Temari had tried every trick in the book,from having him drink coffee to making him take a cold and every secret remedy known to ninjas had Gaara and Kankuro were still victims to the sound village's extremely strong sake.

_Maybe I just need to wait it out..._

**~A few weeks later~**

Something was terribly and Kankuro were acting just as sloshed as they were a week threw up,sang randoms songs,fought each other,made a mess of the house and then there were the 5 hours of flushing the toilet.

_I....I can't take this anymore! This is insane!! I'm staying into a hotel.  
_

Temari then took out her luggage and began to she filled the bag,she found an empty sake bottle.

_Can't even clean up after themselves._

As she went to throw it away,she found another passed by Kankuro's room to find about six more bottles of the same opened up the door to find Gaara's room filled with empty Sake bottles.

_What the hell is this!?!_

And then it hit her.

_Someone is trying to get Gaara addicted to something again!_

She took a careful look at the sake bottle,noticing she hadn't seen before.

_Made in Sound Village._

She took a half empty bottle,and shut it,putting it inside her suitcase.

_Something's wrong with Gaara again...  
_

_

* * *

_

Who's up to this?

What will Temari face?

And what's going to happen to Gaara?

Tune in for the sequel,Something's wrong with Gaara....Again.

I hope to better about updating...but reviews encouragege me to do so...^^


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